My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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