i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
you win again, gameday.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
