Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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