life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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