How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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