I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
bring money and cleavage
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
