you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
