The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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