he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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