I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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