Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
