Pants 0. Shit 1.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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