we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
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I think this baby is eyeing my beer
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
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No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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