??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Text me some of your sweat
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
