Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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