you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
she peed on how many people?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
