He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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