The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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