Soap is not a condiment
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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