my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
