u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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