I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
What did we do last night that was yellow?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
