mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Randomize
