why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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