Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
