Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
