How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize
