I feel like I'm in dance class right now
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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