You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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