dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
