dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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