I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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