ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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