got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Dicks are not precious.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
