Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
