perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
We talked him into tasing himself.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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