hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
