Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
