I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
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