I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
