just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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