it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
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