also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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