Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
