If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
