I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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