What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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