Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
