He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
