There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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