You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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