please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
