so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
