If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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