I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
