I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
