in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
