i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
