Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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