Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
