i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize