Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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