I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I need to calm my uterus...
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
