Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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