I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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