Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
