mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
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He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
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I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize