The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
