You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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