Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
