A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
