i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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