dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
