Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
