Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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