How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
