i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
