He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
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definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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