if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
