The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
We need to get me chipped asap
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
