There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
