I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
50% drunk capacity currently
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
