I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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