I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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