sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
