On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I need to align my fucking chakras
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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